Many couples refer to consulting psychologists, due to lack of understanding with their spouse.This happens, even if you have a strong relationship.if misunderstanding, between you and your loved one, is common, you may experience anxiety and stresses, at extreme level, in your marital life. When men and women, enter in a relationship, they have interest and passion. Only observe positive characters of each other, ignore negative aspects, After sometime, the negative characters are more noticed and at the end couples reach to conclusion, they are unable to understand each other, Due to lack of understanding, they decide to be separated. This is a folk decision. Couples should first recognize their differences and decide, how to overcome it. Finally, they should find the solution, for improving the relationships. This will happens, when you refer to experienced consulting psychologists.
:Reasons for lack of understanding among spouse and its solutions
If given solutions are not useful in your case, immediately refer to consultant psychologists. Resolve your problems, before they negatively effect and distort your relationships. Don’t ignore minor crisis, because they may, lead to distortion in your marital life.
Love is the fact that motivates you, to start dating era, with other person. At the beginning everything seems to be perfect. Both sides believe, they understand each other and any differences or conflicts are resolvable. In beginning of relationships, we renounce and ignore deficiencies and inappropriate behaviors of our partner. They strongly believe, time is best solution, for resolution of problems. This believe is totally wrong. The period, before marriage, is the time of knowing each other. Golden period, to recognize, differences, changes, manipulations and behaviors. Relationship difficulties, enters in any relation and isn’t associated with its oldness. lack of understanding, occurs in any subject, for example; lack of understanding in, selection of food, clothing, behavior thought processes and etc. Many of these points are solvable and vise versa.
The more longer, would be the relationship, differences are highlighted more. Two individuals, from two different family backgrounds, with diverse thought patterns, sociability, different patterns of behaviors, various life patterns and training manners, will find out, differences among each other. After some time, they believe, how different they are. It is fluorescence of differences among individuals. They believe, they are not able to understand each other. Lack of understanding is a spark, of problems and crisis.
We have automatic brain, which helps us, to save our time and energy. Automatically, our brain, reminds recent memories, judgments and thoughts, regarding experiences, we had with previous individuals in our lives. When confronting new situation, we remember, similar situations we had experienced in our marital life. We compare our spouse’s behavior, in different situations and if, her or his behavior, defers from previous ones, we misunderstand. In private, we analyze and judge behaviors and reactions, of our partner. Unfortunately they may doubts, their partner.
As human being, we more focus on negative information. Our brain processes are directed in a way, to process negative aspects, first. Our, unpleasant incidences and experiences, have greater effect on our brain processes rather than pleasant one.
It’s the reason, behind, our attempts to focus on negative points, during conflicts and ignoring the positive aspects of our spouse. This process, creates number of other difficulties.
When couple are arguing, most often, they negatively explain, partners behavior. Repeatedly, talk about, unpleasant and inappropriate behaviors. Couples, divert their attention, to deficiencies of other person, which causes disturbance in relationship. Both person, should be able, to manage the situation. For solving interpersonal problems, refer to consulting psychologists, In case, you really lack understanding in your relationships, prevent constant argues and disputes. Repetition of these acts, result in separation and distortion of your relationship.
- Don’t blame each other, reciprocally solve your difficulties
- Talk short and brief about, annoyance or problems, prevent talking too much
- Understand condition and sprite of your partner and then make judgment
- Control voice volume, talk peacefully
- Pay attention to body expression of each other, don’t criticize too much
- In daily conversation, express your emotions, don’t keep distance with your partner, it wouldn’t work at all
- Don’t get angry with each other because, will aggravate the problem
- Don’t criticize, you can’t change your spouse, so, don’t ask him or her to do so, this makes the situation more critical
- Don’t expect your spouse to resolve all of your worries
- Select appropriate situation for discussion, don’t insist or repeat one subject, by doing so, you will achieve opposite results
- Seek help from consulting psychologists, to solve lack of understanding and to create understanding among you and your partner, learning scientific and practical techniques will help overcoming difficulties
In regard to mentioned point, at beginning of relation and during dating era, try to get help from a specialized psychologists, who can recognize, personality, interest and behavior of each other. They can help you, by using psychological tests and analyzing it, so you can develop, persistent and successful marital relationships. Raz-e-mandegar center, in Tehran, by having experienced team in psychological counceling and analyzing psychological tests, will guide you in decision making processes and developing successful relationships.
Translated and Arranged by:Kheyzaran Shahnahpour
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